Does your pet trust you? I mean REALLY trust you...

Trust is a funny thing. It's the foundation to every good relationship, whether with our pets, or with our friends, our family, our co-workers...

It's like the bank account of life. It works on deposits and withdrawals. What goes in can be taken out. Our job as our pet's caretakers, guardians, parents is to be sure that our pets are feeling full of deposits, rich in their trust of us.

I don't know if you've ever heard of Brené Brown but she has a famous talk and framework for trust, called the Anatomy of Trust. Here's a link, in case you haven't heard of it. In my humble opinion, it's an important understanding for all humans for grasp: Anatomy Of Trust

She also talks about the concept of the Marble Jar. A marble goes in when trust is built. A marble comes out when an aspect of trust is removed.
​
She talks about 7 key aspects to trust, several of which I believe also directly apply to our pets. 
​

---

Here are the top 5 aspects that I believe strongly apply to our pets trust of us:

Boundaries

As defined by Brown: You respect my boundaries, and when you’re not clear about what’s okay and not okay, you ask. You’re willing to say no.

As I see it with our pets: ​Boundaries with our pets. It's a heavy B word. It doesn't mean control, it doesn't mean manipulation. It means we set expectations and we are clear about what they are. Our pets are relying on our ability to communicate those boundaries, those expectations and the only way they can trust us through them is if we set them appropriately and we stick to them. Too much fluency here can actually do more harm than good but that doesn't mean that our boundaries can't flex. It means they don't break, they provide structure and a framework but the boundaries are created around our pet's needs.

Reliability

As defined by Brown: You do what you say you’ll do. This means staying aware of your competencies and limitations so you don’t over promise and are able to deliver on commitments and balance competing priorities.

As I see it with our pets: Reliability is huge for our pets. When they can rely on us, when they can trust that we can see their limitations, their abilities, their strengths...they can rely on us to make appropriate choices for them. They can rely on us to not put them in difficult situations. Without reliability on us, there is anxiety. There is the unknown. The what ifs. 

Accountability

As defined by Brown: You own your mistakes, apologize, and make amends

As I see it with our pets: If we make a mistake, if we err in judgment of a situation, we put forward the extra effort to make amends. In our pets, that means some desensitization, some counter conditioning, after there is some decompression. We are willing to take 2 steps back, in order to take 3 steps forward.

Integrity

As defined by Brown: You choose courage over comfort. You choose what is right over what is fun, fast, or easy. And you choose to practice your values rather than simply professing them.

As I see it with our pets: We don't put our pets in situations just to meet our social needs. We don't take a pet who is fearful of new people to a party just to show them off. We show integrity in our respect of our pets. We put their social needs above our own so as not to break that trust

Generosity

As defined by Brown: You extend the most generous interpretation possible to the intentions, words, and actions of others.

As I see it with our pets:
We assume good intentions in our pets. We don't assume they are anything but living, breathing beings, always learning, always seeing, always making connections. They are not here to serve us. They are not machines, they are not robots. They experience pleasure, pain, stress, excitement. They do not plot against us, they do not hold contempt. We assume the best of them and if they struggle, it's because we have struggled. They will teach you if you listen.

How full is your pet's trust jar? 

Continue the conversation on Facebook, in my Ask Miss Behavior Community or by commenting below

​