Speak Your Dog's Love Language

4/5/2024 0 Comments

Do You Speak Your Dog's Love Language?

Love languages, a concept popularized by Dr. Gary Chapman in his book "The 5 Love Languages," refer to the different ways individuals express and experience love. According to Chapman, there are five primary love languages: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. Each person has a primary and sometimes secondary love language, which dictates how they prefer to give and receive love from others.

These love languages provide valuable insights into understanding and strengthening relationships, as they emphasize the importance of expressing affection in ways that resonate most deeply with the other person/being.

While initially applied to human relationships, I believe the concept can also be applied to how we show love and affection in our relationships with our pups! Understanding this not only strengthens the bond between you but also helps maintain a healthy and happy relationship long term, something referred to as building social currency.

In this post, I want to help you explore the same five Love Languages and how they may be spoken or received by your dog so you can determine which ones your dog values most.

Physical Touch, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, and Gifts.

By understanding these, you can ensure a more fulfilling and rewarding relationship with your family pup.

Just like in people, or even more so, it's important to remember that dogs are very contextual. This means that while your dog may appreciate a specific type of reward or showing of affection in one context (such as indoors with low distraction and under low arousal), he may not see that same type of affection as rewarding in another context (outside, when distracted, or under higher arousal situations.). To give you a human example, my 9 year old son loves to cuddle with me at home and gives out all the free hugs but when out in public or when feeling social pressure by others, he may see a hug as more "punishing" or embarrassing.

This can be the case with our dogs too. We may have dogs at home who love to cuddle but when under social pressure or distracted, they may not feel that physical touch is rewarding in that context.

Let's dig in and go through some examples:

Physical Touch

Physical touch can be preferred love language for dogs.

This can include cuddling, belly rubs, and gentle massages. Dogs are tactile creatures and many, but not all, thrive on physical contact.

Pro Tips:

Follow the 3 Second Rule - This rule ensures that your pet is comfortable with the contact. Pet for 3 seconds and then stop. If your dog moves on, no problem. Let them. If they lean in for more, go ahead and pet for another 3 seconds and repeat. If your dog doesn't make any move to reconnect, just wait. They may be perfectly happy just hanging out nearby without needing constant touch.
Invite your dog to you - Instead of forcing contact, let your dog come to you when they are ready for physical affection. Squat down and call them over but don't require it. The most important thing is that you don't invade their space without checking in. That may even mean sitting slightly away on the couch and seeing if they opt in to come closer or just choose to keep to their side. Of course, if this creates any growling or your dog immediately leaves, it's important to consider getting professional help to work through that.
Respect the NO - If your dog shows signs of discomfort or disinterest, respect their decision and stop the physical contact.

Quality Time

Spending quality time with your dog is another important love language.

This can involve exploring together, playing together, relaxing together, and learning together. Spending time together strengthens your bond and helps your dog feel loved and secure.

Pro Tips:

Experiment often - Try different activities and games to keep your dog engaged and happy. Some dogs love to spend time exploring new environments with you while others might appreciate visiting more familiar places.
End on a good note - Try to always end your shared activities on a positive note to ensure your dog associates quality time with happiness.
Opt-out as needed - If you feel unsafe or insecure about your environment, it's okay to opt out. The same goes for your dog. Your intended location may not be good for them at that time. If your dog seems stressed, respect their feelings and let them opt out.

Words of Affirmation

Just like people, dogs respond well to words of affirmation AKA Praise.

A gentle tone, frequent narration (as if you're talking to a 3 year old), and encouraging words can go a long way in making your dog feel loved and appreciated.

Pro Tips:

Watch your tone - Dogs respond more to the tone of your voice than the actual words. Always use a gentle, positive tone.
Short & Sweet Phrases - Keep your phrases short and sweet to ensure your dog understands your praise or command.
Be clear - Use the same words or phrases for specific actions to avoid confusing your dog.

Acts of Service

Acts of Service are another common way we can show our dogs love and build social currency.

This can include things like providing comfortable bedding, going for exploratory walks as opposed to strict exercise walks, and stepping up when they need help or assistance.

Pro Tips:

Advocate for your dog - Stand up for your dog's needs and make sure they are met. That means that if your dog doesn't like being approached by strangers, you're there to make sure it doesn't happen. If your dog doesn't like to be taken out back at the Vet's office, you have set a plan in place to stay with them.
Remain consistent - Consistency in your actions will help your dog feel secure and loved. Consistency provides clarity and predictability. And predictability lowers anxiety.
Provide Agency - Allow your dog some freedom to make choices and express their preferences whenever possible. This may mean allowing them to show you which type of bedding they prefer, where they prefer to ride in the car (safety first, of course. Sometimes our dogs don't know what's good for them!)

Gifts

Finally, many dogs love gifts!

These can be delicious treats, favorite toys, or access to playmates. Giving gifts to your dog can be a fun and rewarding way to express your love and appreciation.

Pro Tips:

Rotate Favorites - Regularly rotate your dog's toys or treats to keep them interested and engaged.
Watch Body Language - Pay attention to your dog's body language to understand what they enjoy and what they don't.
Introduce Novelty - Regularly introduce new toys or treats to keep things exciting for your dog. Explore new places and if your dog enjoys it, introduce new friends (especially while your dog is young and more open to new relationships).

Listen, above all else - the most important thing you can do for your dog is provide safety and security in your relationship and in their environment. This may mean doing all of the above anytime but more likely, it means picking and choosing based on context. The more you can tune in to your dog, the more you will understand their needs and put money in the relationship bank. Aim for more deposits than withdrawals and you'll be well on your way to great things with your pup.

And if you need more guidance on how to better your relationship, how to tweak your days so that you are putting more deposits in, how to build resilience, and work through problems, then I invite you to the Virtual Membership where we talk about all of that and much more!

Comment below and let me know what you think your dog values most!